The word divorce conjures up a plethora of negativity. Thoughts may immediately go to failure, feelings of sorrow for any children involved or just plain anxiety about having your future go down the tubes and starting a new life on your own.
I used to think this way. Until it happened to me.
Nobody heads into a marriage with expectations of a divorce. Nobody. So, when it happens, your life takes a major shift. Splitting homes, assets, and kids. It’s a time of high stress and high energy, especially if you’re dealing with a volatile person or you’re not taking the separation well.
Taking away the typical stereotype of divorce (doom and gloom) and instead putting a spin on it and using it as a chance to revitalize your life, achieve personal growth, and set your mindset towards one of opportunity, will help immensely.
I’ve worked with people going through divorce and one of the things I hear over and over again is that they rediscover who they truly are. They are forced out of any shell they were in and use it to grow. The time they have with their kids is much different especially when custody is 50/50. Not only do they get time to themselves to revisit old hobbies or work on themselves, the time they do get with their kids is hyper focused. It’s all about the kids and strengthening relationships.
In situations where there has been infidelity, abuse or the divorce just came out of left field, this can be tough. You’re grappling with what went wrong and recovering from the trauma. Your self-worth can take a nose dive along with confidence and you may feel you’ll never trust again.
With the support of a professional life coach, counsellor, or therapist, you will come to terms with this event faster than if you let it go and trudge through on your own. In fact, it’s vital you do seek professional help post divorce. All sorts of feelings come up and to move on and have a healthy relationship with yourself, healing needs to take place first.
As difficult as divorce may be, you have a choice. Do you live in the past and let angst take over or do you get to start over? You get to do this work on yourself that otherwise may not have happened. You get to realize that you are 100 per cent worth it and should be cherished in a relationship, and you get to choose how you move forward and live a life you have carved out for yourself.
You choose.
– Sara Aloimonos is a life coach and functional nutritionist based in Yellowknife.