In my previous articles, I wrote about near death experiences, or NDEs. These are spiritual experiences people have when close to death.
Some people actually died during these episodes. They stopped breathing, had no brain activity and no heartbeat. Yet they had an amazing spiritual experience that changed their life.
I compared the spirituality of NDEs with the spiritual traditions of various Indigenous teachings. I also compared the healing power of NDEs with the healing power of recovery. Millions of people report having NDEs, including people who were alcoholics and addicts. They report the NDE changed their lives. Many no longer had cravings to drink or take drugs. Some joined a recovery program such as Alcoholics Anonymous, or AA.
I never had an NDE. But I did have a spiritual experience when I was a teenager. This experience helped me see life differently. I was meditating while sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. I noticed there was someone else in the room. He looked like my friend Ronnie. I thought he must have snuck into the room and quietly sat down beside me to meditate. But he looked strange. Then I realized it wasn’t Ronnie. It was me. I was viewing myself from above, looking down at the top of my head. I was outside my body. I did not recognize myself because we do not normally view ourselves from this vantage point. I looked around the room and everything glowed with a strange light. It was both fascinating and frightening.
I had never heard of an “out-of-body experience” or OBE. Years later I read about OBEs. I realized that’s what happened to me while I sat meditating. Just before my OBE I left the Catholic church. I thought spirituality was all “humbug,” as Ebenezer Scrooge would say in the story ‘A Christmas Carol.’
I thought the only real things in life were things that could be explained scientifically. But when I had my OBE, I realized most things in life cannot be explained by science or measured in a lab. In another favourite story called ‘The Little Prince,’ the wise fox says to the prince, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Spiritual experiences reveal things about life that are invisible to the eye. In spiritual experiences, something opens up inside of us. Then we can see life differently. We see from a different perspective. And our hearts know at a deeper level.
Seeing love in action
NDEs are one type of spiritual experience. During an NDE people often see a “being of light.” Some call this light an angel. Others say this light is the source of all love. Can you see love? Not really, but we do see what love can do. We see the results of love. What are these results? What does love in action look like?
When we help others, we see love in action. We see good people who listen and understand when a friend needs support. That is love in action. We see parents care for their children. We see lovers who want to be together. Sometimes they get married, and some will have children as a result of their love. We show love through sharing and caring. It could be caring for children, caring for our spouses, caring for our parents, our friends, our community, the Earth, or our pets. There are many beautiful expressions of love. But we can’t see love itself.
I grew up in an alcoholic home. Both my parents drank heavily. There was some love in our home, but not much. Alcoholism is the enemy of love. Drinking seemed normal when I was small. It was only when I got older that I realized my alcoholic parents were missing something. They had very hard lives. Many people were very poor. I think their religion helped a little, but it fell short. Sadly, the church back then was not very good at teaching them how to love. But Christmas was a good time. We kids had a lot of fun running around while the adults drank, smoked cigarettes and argued loudly about the jerks at work and the jerks in politics.
Then at midnight we all trudged through the snow to attend mass. Even our kindly old priest was often a little tipsy on Christmas eve from too much Christmas cheer, judging by his red nose. My parents were so poor back then that they sometimes couldn’t pay the rent. But a mysterious envelope would appear under our door with the money. We knew who it was.
Under the circumstances, my parents did the best they could with what they knew at the time. As grandparents, they were very loving. Before my dad died, he did manage to say he loved me. I know he carried a lot of guilt. In my recovery I stopped blaming others for my addiction. I stopped blaming my parents. I stopped blaming my teachers. I stopped blaming God. This empowered me to take responsibility for my own happiness. Recovery helped me find ways to love others and it helped me to accept love from others. Then I had another spiritual experience.
Finally felt at peace
I attended a meditation retreat. It was far away from any city lights. In the evening, we did a walking meditation, a Buddhist spiritual practice. We walked down a narrow path through the woods. The evening sky was lit up with brilliant stars. Walking slowly through the trees I finally felt at peace. We came to an open clearing. I Iooked up at the sky. Something opened up inside me. Everything looked the same, but everything was different. The stars came alive like a choir of angels. I heard their song. I realized the universe was filled with my ancestors. We were one family.
They were all singing together like a symphony. My heart sang back in reply. I joined in their song. The whole cosmos and all life were singing together. I was one beautiful note in that orchestra. I realized that I was eternal. I always was and will always be. There was nothing to fear. This lasted for a few seconds, but it was powerful. I had a glimpse into eternity. I had a glimpse into my own soul. I was complete. I also knew all people were like this too. All was well in eternity. This is very similar to reports of near-death experiences.
At Christmas, I still go to church to celebrate midnight mass. Some may remember the Christmas story of the shepherds in the fields. At night, the shepherds were in the countryside. The universe opened up and the angels sang to them. It’s a beautiful story. It points to all spiritual experiences. Many people have spiritual experiences, but we usually don’t talk about them.
Sweat lodge spirituality
The Elders teach us not to be ashamed of our experiences. I was at a healing camp recently. We made a sweat lodge. In a sweat lodge it is dark. We sat in a circle. The grandfathers are brought in and carefully placed in the middle of our circle. The grandfathers are the hot rocks taken from the sacred fire. They glowed red in the dark. When they were sprinkled with cedar, they sparkled. The sparkles look like stars. It reminded me of the time when the universe opened up and I sang with the ancestors. In the sweat lodge, I am transported into the spirit world. The drum is the heartbeat of the universe. The sweat lodge also reminds me of midnight mass, singing Christmas carols together with the congregation. The sweat lodge is a sacred ceremony just like the mass. The Creator speaks in many languages.
I learned many things in recovery. I learned about giving and receiving love. I learned about the spiritual world. I learned about near-death experiences and how the light is the spirit of love. I have heard many teachings. I pray that all people will remember their spiritual experiences and honour them this Christmas no matter their religious tradition. I pray all people will celebrate with their families and friends. I pray all children will be loved. And I pray for peace on Earth. Stay sober. Stay safe. Merry Christmas. Quyanainni. Mahsi. Meegwetch.
—Darrell Taylor is a retired mental health professional who has lived in the NWT and Nunavut for 20 years. He is originally from Ontario and is a member of the North Bay/Mattawa Algonquins.