A guy told me the other day, "That was a good article on bullying. Keep writing about things like that. Please understand that people don't just start bullying out of the blue. They probably learn it at home." Eschia!
That made me think of a friend who told us about how she was shopping with her three-year-old son and a little girl was bugging him. Her son told the little girl, "f…… don't do dat!" Our friend was horrified. She realized she had been swearing a lot and her son was copying her. So, she stopped swearing, and her son stopped swearing.
Another friend told me her cousin came over for a visit and my friend's four-year-old daughter told the cousin, "Your mouths not that big." The cousin says, "say what?" The little girl says, "my mom told my dad that your mouth is so big, you could put a tire into it." My friend felt like falling through the floor.
These kinds of things make us laugh, but they sure aren't funny at the time, and they're good examples of how kids follow our example and believe what we say. Similarly, if a parent bullies his kids or his spouse, some of those kids will follow the parent's example and become bullies because they'll think that's the way to act.
In fact, surveys show that we parents can make a huge difference in influencing our child's ideas about using tobacco, alcohol, or drugs. We need to talk to our kids about these issues at all stages of their development to help them make the right decisions. Now you're talking.
For example, surveys done with teenagers show teens are less likely to use substances if they believe their parents would strongly disapprove of it. One study showed marijuana use was seven times higher among youth whose parents did not strongly disapprove of their drug use compared to kids whose parents strongly disapproved of their marijuana use. Whoa!
But, it's not only talking to the kids. What do you think will happen if I tell my kid not to drink, smoke, or do drugs, while I have a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of beer in the other – and I spark up a joint in front of them? Not cool man, because if they're like I was, they will likely copy my actions, and not listen to what I say.
And, it's not only what kids shouldn't do; it's also about good habits. For instance, I have a huge influence over when, where, and what my child eats at home. Learning about and actually eating healthy foods at home will probably help my child to have healthy eating habits later in life.
If I don't know about healthy eating, it's my responsibility to learn about it and to explain it to my kids as we all eat a healthy diet together.
The school system failed my kid
What really ticks me off are parents who say the school system failed my kid, and meanwhile they did not play an active role in their kid's education. The thing is, if I show my kid school is not important my kid will think that school's not important. Are you thinking, "I always tell my kid that school is important and he still doesn't do well?"
Fair enough, but do you let your kid stay at home even if he's not sick? Do you do things like letting your child get away with not doing his homework? Do you just believe him if he always says he doesn't have homework? Do you miss parent-teacher meetings? Do you let him stay up really late on school nights? If so, you're showing your kid that school is not important. Eschia!
My mom taught Kindergarten in Ndilo for 20 years, and she taught us we had to make our kids go to school every day they weren't sick. And she said to go to parent-teacher meetings because that's where we'd find out how they're doing, like if they don't do their homework or if they don't try in class because they're too sleepy.
Like I said, I learned to play an active role in my kids education from my mom, and the result is both of my boys went to university after they finished high school. And I'm happy to say they are showing their kids that school is important by making sure their kids go to school every day and being active in their education. Yay!
Remember, kids copy what we say and do!