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On your mark, get set ... OK before I say go, I thought I should explain the rules a little. The Arctic Winter Games are next week and then there is Caribou Carnival and this got me to thinking that maybe we should come up with some new events or contests that reflect today's life in the North.

I still like the idea of a scavenger hunt at the dump. I have suggested it before and it could be a team sport that could be a lot of fun for the participants and spectators alike. True, the hometown team would have a bit of an advantage but it is an event that could be incorporated into either the AWG or the carnival.

The carnival used to have contests for tea boiling, muskrat skinning and log sawing. These were popular events but way back then people did these things on a regular basis, so it was a contest to see how good you were at them. Nowadays not a lot of people do them as a part of their regular lives so interest in them has dwindled.

So what events do people do today that could be turned into carnival events? Could paper shredding, Googling, computer games or microwave cooking be turned into popular events? It is hard to think up games that reflect today's reality of living in the North.

You could give people a garbage bag, blow a whistle and see who comes back with a bag full of litter the fastest. That might be fun and it would help to clean the place up. Storytelling is still a popular event so you might be able to incorporate it in the games. How about a contest for the person who in five minutes can give the best or funniest explanation for why we are building a bridge across the Mackenzie River while at the same time the government is laying off 135 territorial civil servants. We could call it the bureaucratic shuffle, political two-step or bafflegab.

How about having a contest for the person who can come up with the most words or phrases that are used to describe job loss? We now have a new one, your position has been reduced. That sounds almost benign until you realize that it is being reduced to zero and your paycheck is also being reduced to zero.

Here is one question I have. If the territorial government is serious about cutbacks and reducing the workforce, shouldn't the number of MLAs also be reduced accordingly? Can you imagine the savings for every MLA position that got reduced to zero? It would be considerable. If we cut the number of MLAs in half how many people would really notice (other than the MLAs of course)?

There could be a contest for the most baffling bit of government logic. Participants would get on stage and in a few minutes present what they find to be the most baffling and then applause from the crowd determines a winner.

One thing that I certainly find baffling is that if Yellowknife has a catastrophic power failure, then the population is on its own for 72 hours. Then the emergency plan is supposed to kick in, but they can't tell us what the emergency plan is, because that is a closely guarded government secret. I reckon that the real secret is that they don't have a plan. They think that the first 72 hours, will give them a big enough of a head start to get out of town and then they can announce from afar, probably some tropical paradise, that they have no plan.

Well it is time to say Go. Enjoy the next week everyone, it is bound to be busy and hectic and remember to pick up at least five pieces of litter every day or every outing. Consider it your volunteer effort at keeping Yellowknife clean and a litter free zone.

- Walt Humphries is a well-known Yellowknife artist and prospector