Previous columns 

It was getting mighty close to Christmas and the North Pole was all in a dither. During the past year, the elves had been outsourcing quite a bit of their production to multinational conglomerates and with all the recalls, the toy cupboard and gift rooms were looking a might bare.

Santa was in a right old state and he was far from jolly. Every time a new recall came in, he had to readjust his gift giving plans and schedule. He was going over his naughty and nice list, yet again, trying to pare it down. Even Mrs. Claus, who was busy baking cookies and making treats in the kitchen, had a worried brow. What to do, what to do, what to do?

Jack who was the head procurement elf, had been talking to some local suppliers and came in to give his report.

"Well, we just talked to the Guild of Crafts in Yellowknife and they are all working overtime. All the potters are potting, all the weavers are weaving and all the quilters are quilting. All the crafters are crafting, all the painters are painting and all the gardeners ... well they aren't gardening, but they are putting together little gardening kits for the girls and boys, who may never have gardened before. All the salvagers are out at the dump salvaging.

The city has even sent in a front-end loader to help dig up the pile and they are salvaging games and toys, books and clothes, stuffed animals and presents that were buried years ago. They are cleaning them all up, making them better than new. The Scouts and Girl Guides are going door-to-door rounding up stuff that people are willing to donate and lots of people are.

It's not just Yellowknife of course but people all across our realm in the NWT, the Yukon and Nunavut are helping out and doing all they can, but I'm afraid it's still not going to be enough Santa." What to do, what to do, what to do?

Someone suggested that they could always give out IOUs or maybe gift certificates with an extra helping of goodwill and cheer, but that didn't seem right to Santa or to the International Christmas Gift Giving Tribal Council. "How about giving snowballs or snowcones to all the children in the warmer climes" one of the elves suggested. It was a good idea but a tad impractical, as the snow could easily melt before Christmas morning, in which case you would just be giving the kids a puddle or worse yet a wet stocking.

One grumpy old elf was heard to mutter in frustration, "The world is getting too commercial as it is, maybe we should just cancel Christmas all together this year."

When everyone turned to look at him in stunned silence, he said, "Ah, don't mind me I'm just muttering nonsense, of course we have to keep the Christmas legend alive. In this crazy old world it's the only thing some people have to believe in, we just have to think up a way to get more toys in a hurry."

What to do, what to do, what to do?

Just then old Sven Rabbitskin came knocking on Santa's door. Sven was the watchman at the old mothballed Camsell Mine. It was one of the few remaining old mines in the North that hadn't been destroyed by the federal government under the guise of a clean up and its caverns were sometimes used by the Christmas elves as extra storage space for surplus items.

"Santa do you remember back in the 1950s and 60s when the kids all vanted plastic toys rather then the vooden ones. Vell, vee put all the excess vooden ones into storage at the mine. All those vooden toys: boats and cars, trains and planes, play sets and dolls are still there, good as new."

Jack the head elf's face glowed with relief as he checked Sven's inventory on his blackberry, "By Golly Sven, you are right. We completely forgot about them. Better yet, by now they are old enough to be nostalgic, retro, hip and even environmentally friendly. We can get a crew of miners from the diamond mines to haul them out and then we should have enough toys for Christmas Eve."

Santa looked pleased. "It's true that most of the boys and girls who write us now say they want to be more environmentally conscious. So, from now on no more plastics, no more outsourcing to multinational conglomerates and hopefully no more last minute crises with recalls.

A Christmas toy should be an heirloom, a keepsake, something that can be kept and cherished for a lifetime, not a plastic doodad that lasts only a few weeks, gets broken and thrown away into a dump.

From now on, we are making toys locally out of wood, stone and bone, fur, leather and feathers. Stuff that lasts or is completely biodegradable. Put out a press release Jake, 'Santa Claus, the North Pole and Christmas are going GREEN.'"

- Walt Humphries is a well-known Yellowknife artist and prospector